ANN OF A THOUSAND SLURS

By William Fisher

I’m shocked! No, outraged!

Ann Coulter, the extreme right-wing motormouth who insults everyone left of Ghengis Kahn, is being harassed.

A greeting card delivered to her home that read, “You self-aggrandizing sociopath! The only thing left after a nuclear war are you and cockroaches.” A phone message saying, “Hey, Ann, now that you’ve moved to Florida and you’re in your 40s, did you know that you can join the Florida National Guard? You love war until you have to put your own a** on the line. I don’t call that patriotism. I call it cowardice.”

And more. You get the idea.

So upset by all this was the Goddess with the flaxen hair that she’s had the local property appraiser remove the address of her $1.2 million home in Palm Beach, Florida, from public records.

According to that fount of scholarly discourse, Newsmax, Coulter’s is one of 2,674 properties in Palm Beach County whose owners are confidential in property appraiser records. Homeowners seeking anonymity must submit an affidavit stating why they believe they require it. Exemptions are made for people in occupations that could make them targets — including police officers, judges, prosecutors, and child abuse investigators — and for victims of domestic violence, stalking, or harassment.

I guess “harassment” would be Annie’s beef.

Oh, the shame of it all! To think that such things could happen in a country that so values reason and civil discourse! Whose politics are steeped in the laudable tradition of listening respectfully to views not our own, of making that special effort to walk in someone else’s shoes.

Surely, there can be no more perfect poster child for our devotion to these values than Annie-Get-Your-Gun Coulter. No better example of reason on steroids.

One has only to quickly peruse the titles of Annie’s books to confirm her dedication to walking the high road: "If Democrats Had Any Brains They'd Be Republicans,” “Godless: The Church of Liberalism,” “Treason: Liberal Treachery from the Cold War to the War on Terrorism,” “How to Talk to a Liberal (If You Must).”

Or read some of the quotes from her recent columns and speeches:

On Jews: "We just want Jews to be perfected, as they say." --arguing that it would be better if we were all Christian.”

On terrorists: Or, in responding to terrorists "we should invade their countries, kill their leaders and convert them to Christianity."

On women: "I think [women] should be armed but should not [be allowed to] vote. No, they all have to give up their vote, not just, you know, the lady clapping and me. The problem with women voting -- and your Communists will back me up on this -- is that, you know, women have no capacity to understand how money is earned. They have a lot of ideas on how to spend it. And when they take these polls, it's always more money on education, more money on child care, more money on day care."

On Liberals: "With their infernal racial set-asides, racial quotas, and race norming, liberals share many of the Klan's premises. The Klan sees the world in terms of race and ethnicity. So do liberals! Indeed, liberals and white supremacists are the only people left in America who are neurotically obsessed with race….”

On John Edwards: “I was going to have a few comments on the other Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards, but it turns out you have to go into rehab if you use the word ‘faggot,’ so I — so kind of an impasse, can’t really talk about Edwards.”

Predictably, I don’t agree with Ms. C. all that often. And my guess is that she wouldn’t agree with too many of my views either. Except one: The free speech part of the Constitution.

Because without it, she wouldn’t be living in a confidential Palm Beach mansion.